Are You Whipped by Fifty Shades of Grey

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Fifty Shades of Grey Obsessed? 10 Signs You’re Whipped By E.L. James’ Erotica Trilogy

on January 14 2014 1:52 PM

Fifty Shades of Grey" A screenshot from YouTube user JLongbone’s unofficial “Fifty Shades of Grey” trailer  YouTube

“Fifty Shades of Grey,” an erotica novel based on the love story of megalomaniac, BDSM-practicing billionaire Christian Grey and his sexual prey, college graduate Anastasia “Ana” Steele, stole the attention from readers everywhere in 2011. Due to fans of the best-selling trilogy now being forced to wait until February 2015 to see the romance tale on the silver screen (Seriously, what’s up with the long wait, Universal?) some signs of obsession are starting to take over the erotica fanbase. Whether you are an in the closet or out and proud “Fifty Shades of Grey” reader, you’re probably experiencing all the same symptoms. Here are the top 10 signs you’re obsessed and have been whipped by the E.L. James erotica series:

You are now conscious of every time your bite your lip and the effect it might have on others around you

No longer is biting your lip just a normal humanly function. If you’re whipped by “Fifty Shades,” it is now a deliberate act you use in attempt to seduce others. Problem is, it never looks as sexy as it is described in the book, but you keep trying anyway in the hopes that one day looking Ana-esque.

You desperately want to visit Seattle

Long gone are the days when you dreamed of relaxing on a beach during your yearly vacation, now it’s all about rainy Seattle, Washington. If you’re a super fan, you may even want to venture to Vancouver, Canada where the film is currently being shot.

You’re on a constant hunt for your own Christian Grey

Any sighting of any decently attractive male in a seemingly expensive suit sends you into an all-out tizzy. Could he be my personal Christian Grey? Le, sigh.

Any updates about the film, no matter how small, make your day

“WHAT! Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson are filming on a desolate street corner somewhere—I must drop everything!” *Quickly googles, “Fifty Shades of Grey set pics.”*

You try get others (some successfully, others not so much) to read the trilogy

And sometimes you regret it when they actually decided to read it. Oh great, now my great aunt knows why I giggle everytime she says the word, “Vanilla.”

Your spend your free time pouring over fan-made trailers and movie posters

God bless, Jamie Dornan and his former modeling days. While fans have to wait until next year to see Dornan act out his character of Christian Grey on the big screen, clips and images of our future Mr. Grey are widley available on the web. Another great find for “Fifty Shades” fans? Unofficial trailers.

You are now dedicated to watching everything Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have ever starred in

So what if I’ve already watched the entire first season of “Once Upon a Time”? I didn’t know Jamie Dornan was going to be Christian the first time I saw it! The same goes for Dakota Johnson. Did everyone but me know she had a cameo with Channing Tatum in “21 Jump Street?” Give a minute while I go update my Netflix que.

You have considered a career in journalism

Inspired by Kate Kavanaugh’s almost interview with the one and only Mr. Christian Grey, undeclared majors everywhere could be considering a career in journalism in hopes of finding their own true sadistic lover after reading James’ novels.

You use catchphrases like, “Laters, Baby”

When your fictional reading obsessions start to leak into your vocabulary, you know you might have a problem.

You have read the books more time than you can remember…

But but no matter how many times you delve into James’ novels, the end result is always the same– you always come back for more!

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